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The Worlds of Gilbert and Sullivan

This is probably one of Gilbert and Sullivan's best known (and yet 'little known') songs. Certainly the character of John Wellington Wells is one of the funniest and best loved of the G&S characters. And yet how many of us nowadays have seen the operetta The Sorcerer; and John Wellington Wells prancing round wielding his teapot full of the love-philtre (potion)? It is not one of the more frequently performed G&S shows. So, not many of us have really heard the words¹ and tune of the Sorcerer's song? And we unquestionably don't get many opportunities to sing it ourselves. Well, here's our chance; but be careful of granny's best teapot . . .!

Song: Mr Wells

My name is John Wellington Wells,
I'm a dealer in magic and spells,
In blessings and curses,
And ever-fill'd purses,
In prophecies, witches and knells!

If you want a proud foe to "make tracks" -
If you'd melt a rich uncle in wax -.
You've but look in
On the resident Djinn,
Number seventy, Simmery Axe!

We've a first rate assortment of magic;
And for raising a posthumous shade,
With effects that are comic or tragic,
There's no cheaper house in the trade.
Love-philtre, we've quantities of it;
And for knowledge if anyone burns,
We keep an extremely small prophet, a prophet
Who brings us unbounded returns:

For he can prophesy With a wink of his eye,
Peep with security Into futurity,
Sum up your history, Clear up a mystery,
Humour proclivity For a nativity, For a nativity;
. . . . . . . . .
He has, Answers oracular, Bogies spectacular,
Tetrapods tragical, Mirrors so magical,
Facts astronomical, Solemn or comical,
And if you want it, he
Makes a reduction on taking a quantity!
Oh! . . . . . . .

If anyone anything lacks,
He'll find it already in stacks,
If he'll only look in On the resident Djinn,
Number seventy, Simmery Axe!

He can raise you hosts of ghosts,
And that without reflectors;
And creepy things with wings,
And gaunt and grisly spectres!
He can fill you crowds of shrouds,
And horrify you vastly:
He can rack your brains with chains,
And gibberings grim and ghastly!

Then if you plan it, he Changes organity,
With an urbanity Full of Satanity,
Vexes humanity Fatal to vanity,
Driving your foes to the verge of insanity!
 . . . . . . . . . . . 
Barring tautology, In demonology,
'Lectro biology, Mystic nosology,
Spirit philology, High class astrology,
Such is his knowledge, he 
Isn't the man to require an apology!
Oh! . . . . . . .

My name is John Wellington Wells,
I'm a dealer in magic and spells,
In blessings and curses,
And ever-fill'd purses,
In prophecies, witches and knells!
And if anyone anything lacks,
He'll find it already in stacks
If he'll only look in On the resident Djinn,
Number seventy, Simmery Axe!

Return to The Sorcerer opening page . . .?

1.    You may find it useful to have a dictionary handy! And possibly also a copy of that excellent book: The Annotated Gilbert and Sullivan by Ian Bradley (see bibliography ).

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